The Difference Between a Need and a Want
by Near-face
Summary: Dean wasn't the same of the betrayal. He told himself he would be happy if he never saw Cas again...right? Spoilers for Season 6. Hints of Destiel.


"Hey Bobby, it's Sam. I'm worried about Dean, he…he hasn't been the same since Cas…well you know. Uh…call me back." Sam closed his cell phone and rubbed his face with a tired sigh.

He glanced over at the sleeping form of his older brother and frowned, noting the collection of empty beer and whiskey bottles. After everything they'd been through, it seemed the one thing Dean Winchester couldn't survive was a broken heart.

"Oh Dean…" Sam shook his head. He had to do something. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Dear Castiel, if you ever cared about my brother, please just come back. He…he's not the same without you Cas."

Castiel watched over the sleeping man with worry etched into his borrowed face. He reached out, intending to steal just a soft touch, but he hesitated. He didn't deserve such happiness. Dean wasn't his…anything anymore. "Please forgive me Dean." The angel whispered before leaving the room.

_Sometimes I wonder why I even bother getting up._ Dean thought as he choked down a quick breakfast of the warm beer he hadn't finished the night before. Grimacing a bit he around the little hotel room, he seemed to be alone. "Sammy?" He called tentatively. There was no answer.

Dean pushed himself out of the bed and stumbled to his knees. "I guess I better do this right…eh Cas?" he folded his hands and closed his eyes, tears already burning behind his lids. "Ah…Dear Castiel…I…" He broke off and stood up, shaking his head. "This is stupid, that sonofabitch won't listen anyway. Why should I bother?"

He wiped his eyes, grabbed the whiskey and sat back down on the bed, waiting for his brother to return, so they could get on with their job. "That's right Cas…I have a job to do. I don't need you to fuck everything up."

Castiel's brow furrowed and he just about opened his mouth and revealed himself to Dean. Didn't he realize that everything Cas did, he did for Dean? "I would never do anything to hurt you Dean."

Dean's head snapped up. He swore he heard…No, no that's crazy. That damn angel was gone and Dean just had to get over it. He had lost someone important, what else is new? He took a large swig of mostly-empty bottle and ignored the tears pricking his eyes.

"You seem…distracted, partner." The smooth English accent snapped Cas out of his brooding. Crowley was staring at the angel with an uncomfortably caring look on his face.

"It is none of your business, Crowley. I just…never mind. I have to…check on…that…thing…"

Crowley rolled his eyes and poured himself a drink. "Angels." He scoffed.

"Dean, you need to eat something." The vein in Sam's temple throbbed as he pushed the piece of pie across the table at his brother.

"I have been eating Sam. Don't you know that beer is basically liquid bread?" Dean gave Sam one of his old cocky grins and even gave Sam a wink, but the younger man knew it was all an act.

"That would be great sentiment if you were drinking beer. But you're not. We need to tal-"

"No Sam, we don't. Let's just get this goddamned job finished and get the hell out of here."

Their job was a simple one, just your run-of-the-mill vengeful spirit, Sam figured it'd be a good way to get Dean's mind off of his angel problem. "Got your salt?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Is your lighter full?"

"The Hell, Sammy, I know how to hunt a goddamned vengeful spirit. What is your problem?"

"I'm worried about-"

"No. I don't want to hear it Sam. I mean it. Cas is gone, and I'm fine with that. No, I'm better than fine. I'm glad he's gone. He lied to us Sam. He nearly killed you. So I say, good riddance. Now, are we gonna gank this bitch, or do I have to go alone?"

"Okay Dean, whatever, you're right."

Castiel had always enjoyed watching Dean work a job. There was something…calming about the knowledge that Dean couldn't really harm him, but then something so intriguing about how he did what he did.

After the brothers salted and burned the bones of the old woman who was haunting the pet store, he knew it was time to make his appearance.

Dean closed the trunk of the Impala and wiped his hands on his jeans. _Another job well done for the Winchesters_, he thought bitterly. There was no satisfaction anymore. What was really left for them?

He heard Sam closing the passenger's door, and knew his brother was anxious to return "home" and get some sleep. He took a step towards the driver's door, stifling a yawn himself. "Hello Dean."

Dean nearly jumped out of his skin and turned toward the voice and leveled his gun at Cas's heart. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Please, Dean, lower your weapon, I know we didn't part on the best of terms, but I thought we were friends."  
"'Best of terms,' Cas? You lied to us. You lied to me. I thought that…" he shook his head. "Forget it, what the hell do you want?"

Cas looked confused. "Well…I wanted to say hello…and…I thought you wanted me to come back. I thought this is what you wanted."

Dean shook his head, a sad smile on his face. "What I wanted, Castiel, was for you to be there for me." With that, he turned away from the angel and got into the car.

If Sam knew that something had happened in those few minutes between when he got into the car and when Dean did, he didn't say anything about it, and for that, Dean was grateful.

"I'm going outside to get some fresh air, don't wait up."

Sam nodded with a slight sigh. God only knew what sort of trouble Dean could get into in his current emotional state. "Castiel," Sam whispered once Dean left the room, "please don't let him hurt himself."

Dean leaned against the Impala, his breath coming out as little clouds. It was a cool, but clear night. "I can't do this anymore. I just…" Pent up grief strangled his words and they died in his throat. He didn't even know what he wanted.

"Dean." The angel touched his shoulder lightly. "Please, tell me what I can do to make it up to you. I'm sorry I lied. Dean, please talk to me."

Dean shook the angel off then opened and closed his mouth a few times, as if his vocal cords couldn't remember how to work. Finally he choked out, "You can't do this to me Cas. You can't…ruin everything then just pop back in, as if nothing happened. Haven't I suffered enough? Answer that for me Cas. I lost my mother, and my father, I've lost Sam more times than I can count and then when I thought my life was over, I met you. You were…the only thing holding me together Cas, and then you…I..." Dean shook his head. "Why did you come back?"

Cas took a step towards Dean. "Because you wanted me to come back." Dean look straight into Castiel's blue eyes and shook his head, he was crying again, but did nothing to wipe the tears away.

"No Cas, you're wrong. I…I didn't want you to come back. I _needed_ you." He closed the rest of the short distance between them and wrapped his arms around the angel, burying his head into Cas's shoulder. "I still need you Cas."

Cas just stood there for a moment, at a loss for what to do, angels didn't show affection, but this was different. This was Dean. They weren't angel and human, they were more than that. They just were. He wrapped his arms around the hunter and nodded. "I know Dean. I know."


End file.
